Gary hung the chandelier for me as a surprise. Why heavens no, I’ve never raised my head enough to see what it’s hanging...

So I’ve been thinking about “Antennagate.” First thought: stop fucking calling every scandal “-gate,” for Christ’s sake.

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Gary has no idea what exactly Elaine does in the shower every day, but he certainly knows better than to touch her...

One day, when I was 8 years old, I found a twenty dollar bill on a city bus. My Grandmother’s house, where I spent more than a few...